I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
