I wanna bring you to show and tell
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
