I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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