I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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