when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
