I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
