UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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