i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
