Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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