I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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