I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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