There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
