I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
