i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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