you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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