Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
