Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
