Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
MIDGETS
????
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
