its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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