My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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