I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
