She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
