i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
