i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I need a burrito and a hug.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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