Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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