I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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