a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
