Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
