and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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