I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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