I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize