I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
