Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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