my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
