Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
