I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
