she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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