i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
