I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
