omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
