I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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