i was rollin on her like bob the builder
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize