I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
