she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
