All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
