Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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