the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
And then he peed in my hair
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