He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
