I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
