My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
