I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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