operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
