my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
