ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
