Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
