Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
