My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
