He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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