Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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