the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
