I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
