i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
