cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
