I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
