she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
