i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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