Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
