Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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