Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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