Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
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