So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
