My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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