I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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