Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
