fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
