Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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