"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
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I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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