she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
