You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
