Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just found a bag of teeth...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
