I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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